you haven't signed in to talk to me s0-----

xoxoxoxo

 

it is about me and you..wow-mostly me--this is pretty intense I have read it about 6 times..how do i know she wrote it about me--read the bold ..i didn't realize Andrea as well..okay guess I did. I love ya babe...we are all okay xoxoxoxox

 

 

I sit back and watch as the pages unfold. I always wish you're life could've turned out better, you were only stuck in the middle of that fairy-tale crap. You didn't deserve that, no one did. And you especially didn't deserve to be chosen over someone else that was known little about when it came to your past.
I want to say that you should have known, but then I'd start sounding like my father, and we already have someone that is starting to sound like him, we don't need three mouths. It's been really hard these last months, but what ever the cause, the fog is almost cleared. This wasn't about you. This isn't about you. I see you now - it's almost like my favorite song, "Outside" by staind.

This will the be the last I ever waste my efforts on that life. I'm done with the pity party. Now it's time to show the strength I was given as a true woman and learn from everything that has happened and not make this mistake again.

 

 

 

hey--

Wow I was just looking at the pics from the daytona trip..it is funny how you can look at pictures that show one thing, but in your mind totally know they mean something else to you--heh

So? Not much up here this morning--Sorry about not answering ben. #1 I didn't see/ or hear him. He pops on the computer at the worst possible time for me. Friday I was cooking dinner and could not leave the kitchen. Last night, I was in the middle of downtown tavares with the 6yr old watching the Christmas parade.a chilly 65 degrees really puts you in the mood for xmas, pffft..things I HAVE to do. Force myself back into the here and now---

Even though constantly there is that feeling of not belonging anymore period. I keep pushing it back. It gets tough though due to the fact I am a sensitive and Feelings are what I am all about... Kicking that depression out from the past year is about the hardest thing I ever done. That would be next to those feelings of missing you & eric....

So anyway--it's sunday. Gab had a great time last night. Andrea took off with her friends. HE followed me and gab around with the camera. It was all about her..watching her with the REAL (yea they are people) statues of angels that terrified her for a while then she got close enough to get a hug, the ice sculpters, --those were her favorites. The line was too long to see the BIG GUY and the train rides, fake sledding cost $$ so that was out---

bitched at me when I asked him to stand in line with her for cotton candy..always the same ****...

We came home..went to bed as I had no $$ to go get us food or order us something to eat. so that was it the first of the "holiday festivites over & done by 9:30pm. Kept the phone on for you **Shrug**

And that is life here in T-Town.

and today is SUNDAY-- what's goin on? nada right now. Supposed to get cold next week again. I am still wicked pissed about the $$-- Hope I have a good week at work as we will be living on it.....

Dunno what to tell ya G--I am at your mercy when and if it comes to contact. I am trying real hard to get on with it..my head won'r shut up about the fact I was told in feb I'd have a totally different xmas with a totally different family... hmmm if you think about it...it's only recently Alex has snapped... Maybe my son might posess a little Strega himself... He may feel how off the energy is here and no matter how hard we all try it's like we are going thru the motions in a fog...

I feel it from everyone it has effected. Especially Andrea and I, who are the strongest of the family... Maybe alex is a little sensitive himself since he has been so out of control... I dunno...

Oh well--- I know by now, to just let it roll. That hopefully there is more out there for me somewhere. I told ya a long time ago there isn't anyone ever getting in again..I meant it.

I hope you are well.. I hope things are going the way you want it. I know you never take time to look back on things. Just make decisions and hopefully go foward ;) You are incredibly strong.

Know you are always in my thoughts... dam I miss ya