Regina del Ghiaccio

12/4/2007 - dec 1st

Entry for December 01, 2007

good saturday--

Dam you know what I miss ya-- It aches. I need to get over it, big time-- as I have enough **** here to fill up a mansion...as usual.

Ben has been checking on me

you are too funny...I have left you mail, pics and these entries as they are all I have right now--

I probably shouldn't be sitting here right now as I am livid..

.ack over $$..You know I can't help feel guilty that I pushed L into this job he has had for over a year... Sure the money is better...WHEN we get it on time.

He gets 650.00 a week, and then a big check (Usually around 2000) at the end of the month...

Yesterday was what? 11/30-- He goes to get his check the guy says he has to figure up everything--fine..Of course I am pissed..your bank open on Saturday? mine isn't...

So I paid all my bills yesterday... He drops me off a check this morning for 650.... I didn't see it til after he was gone..and no wonder his boss ran out of my house, L is working....

So now it's the 1st I am looking at at least 250.00 in overdraft fees... my phones being shut off, a late charge on my car payment (which is under my DAD's Credit to begin with) Possible car insurance cancellation by geico --because everything is going to bounce---not to mention my late fees on my rent because it won't be paid til after the 5th...

Anyway I called him to tell him we have been ****ed again-- and I totally agree with him as soon as his truck is paid off (financed thru them) he'll get a job where we can count on our money--I (as well as he) have had enough----

But that doesn't help the now---

I can't understand how some people try and stay so positive and just keep getting screwed up the a$$ without even lube--

oh well--happy december...

So there is saturday so far..sigh....

I did give my son a 'parade repreive' lol--

His buddy's dad is UCF alumni they have been awesome taking him (for free) all season to the football games..Well at noon--UCF is playing for a conference championship..so I let him go.... you know kid has been thru enough what's it gonna hurt?

As you know like i told Ben-- I am all he has. His father spends more time ragging the kid then anything. Never tells him good job on ANYTHING but sure can put him down....Did he deserve to go to this football game, Hell no-- But what difference does it make.

What's new in italy?

hehehhe I am refusing the meltdown... I miss ya and I don't really need ya(as in ****ing emergency, I always need you) but it always helps the way you tend to calm me down...how I dunno.

I hope things are going as you planned... I hope I am on your mind occassionally.......

Tags: | Edit Tags Saturday December 1, 2007 - 09:58am (EST) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments

Entry for November 30, 2007

NOW I am awake-- lmao

damn witch--that dream..and the after effects..I still see you smiling at me..I still feel you kissing my neck **sigh**

I remember thinkin to myself in the dream..just as I accepted I would never meet you--here you are :p always amazing me, always switching things up and changing things...hmmm and as I am having my dreams of ****phors as I am sure the alligator represents something else, LMAO-- Andrea is dreaming benito called her phone... She said here we were checking into a hotel and her phone rang--it was benny..and she said it was like a natural thing and all of a sudden she realized she had NEVER spoken to him before....and she freaked out lol---

Seems your little strega's were busy in the evening hours.

Even the 'things I was seeing' while we were talking, oops sorry--I didn't mean to type them as I KNOW better about that kinda thing...

Not like those particular visions are new to me...I see what you do sometimes, you know? Nah it doesn't bother me as I said..it's who you are... What does amaze me is most people trust you and never know what is about to happen ;)

LMAO I should be scared ****less of you, hehehhehe... Never have been as you know. I feel SAFER when you are in the states. I always feel really exposed when you are gone. But I guess by now I should also realize your father keeps tabs on me as well :D

Just getting ready for work..seeing your smile.. It was funny in that dream I knew you had just dropped in for the day..that once you were gone. you'd be gone... and I was okay with that.

Must be everything going on, huh?

i was thinking about what you said alex said about sex--yea I did digest that-- I always cling on every word you type ;) So you think it means you and julia? I dunno like I said this started long ago-- you have never heard some of the things my husband has called me..right in front of my kids. You also have never seen alex confront me--it hasn't been pretty. So it might refer to my past as well... Do I have regrets, nah? only one ever was that I hurt him... that was it. I never regret what I do/done you know?

damn that mischevious gorgeous smile of yours..the one not many see--- in my head...lol.

thanks for waking me up. Dunno what I am going to do without you for a while.who knows how long but I am trying not to think about that. Just like I am trying not to think about eric being gone.

I truley do believe if you want me--you will always find a way.

I also truly believe no matter how much we both want to believe we have plateaued this relationship and are at a comfortable middle in agreement...

We are by no means done here.

We feel eachother for life. We both know this. Even if Eric says you have "moved on" gianni you love me too much to just "move on" it isn't happening..you are as tormented as I am. You my baby, are just stronger being male :)

You miss me as I miss you but won't admit it to me as you want me to LIVE and go on with my life..but you know as well as I do..YOU baby are my life. that I will always be as big a part of you, as you are me.

but we'll be okay--we are both wicked strong people..what did I say to you?

LMAO-

-not many would walk right up pet the rattlesnake and hand feed it knowing very well that said "rattlesnake" would never bite me ;)

I know you know I love you--I know you love me.

I hope everything is going well for you mi amore--really.

I hope you catch me soon..remember no work sat & sunday--you want me you got me sweetheart--always

Tags: | Edit Tags Friday November 30, 2007 - 09:36am (EST) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments

Entry for November 30, 2007 the dream

i was just sitting here in the afterglow of a damn lucid dream of you--pretty funny actually as we never did anything--except you were kissing my neck alot, ALOT--

funny thing is i sat down to write you and andrea came out of the room and said, she had a dream that benny called..and I said, "oh I had a dream gianni showed up"

She just looked at me and said great--lol

my dream we were doin really mundane everyday things.okay for the most part. We were hanging out at the house... there was a point in it I got into a fight with an aligator. I broke it's jaw and went to get you in another room to go shoot it so it wouldn't suffer--and you came walking into the room with your gun in hand and said done.

and you just kept kissing my neck. You hung out with the girls..I was smiling at you because you are just so gianni...on and off the phone the whole time. and I was thinking just when I was POSITIVE you would never show up ever..you did

. alex eventually showed up and i was outside standing there with you and I said, LOOK--and he nodded and walked away like it was no big deal....

Larry came home you decided it was time to go... So I was standing outside with you and you said something about going to denny's and I said, "Oh no wafflehouse is better and much less expensive..." I'll show you where it is...somehow we wound up at a store--I was buying edible underware (LMAO) just in case--heheheh you smiled at me and kissed my neck again....

at the end of the dream..I was reading a computer monitor and it said --I need to sign off for him now dear--but trust me you are ALL he ever speaks of---

I didn't want to wake up...all I remember is you kissing my neck, leaving as many little marks as you could ;) , your smile-- and us just hanging out-- very odd eh?

Tags: | Edit Tags November 29Friday November 30, 2007 - 06:20am (EST) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments

Entry for , 2007

this ****ing laptop--grrr just erased all i had written grrrrrr

it was good to talk to you today, really. i don't know what we are to do with alex, i guess just watch. he isn't only starting **** with your brother. it seems like everyone..like he is looking for an ass kicking.

now with ben he did it for a reaction. i still can't figure out why now-that is my big question you know? I see neither of us me or you at fault here. I have always been straight up with him as far as you and I go. MAybe his father? he is bak to his usual self-- i dunno..the spidey sense says it's this girl, G- hmmmm

anyway- i hate to see how hard you are working even if you do like a challenge ;) you now know why I hate xmas first hand..too much money spent on people that don't give a **** anyway--as you are trying to make your bills & survive.

BUT I decided this year will be different. this year is for gabbie. She will not be little forever. to her STUFF doesn't matter..it's the lights, santa, the tree LOL--time to look at this season thru HER eyes. ;)

I am use to never getting anything for xmas. I haven't since my mom died. (yes really)i don't care..it's all about tradition and heritage to me anyway-- if I don't carry them on my children don't learn them. Then WHO does it when I am 80, right? ewww hope I don't see 80- really. I don't ever want to be a burden to anyone.

i miss you.but I accept. see, just another thing of our relationship. i want you in my life. for some reason EVERYONE keeps screaming at me that you will need me again one day..they don't have to holler I can hear and I would never walk away from you not as long as I breathe.

miss you baby be well